i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
