My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
