I wish I only lived at night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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