She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize