2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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