Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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