he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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