wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
