We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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