she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
