Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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