Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
