carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
