I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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