Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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