there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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