I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
