Sponge bath it is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
