I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
no you cant smoke seaweed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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