So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Houston, we have a blender
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
