So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
