guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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