I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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