just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My balls are so social today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
