I met the friendliest cop last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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