I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
