If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
