He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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