a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
