my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
