Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
