my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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