ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He passed out mid-signature
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize