He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
should my penis look like a turkey
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
