video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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