not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
