The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
