I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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