will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i believe in u and ur pee
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
