Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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