so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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