WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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