Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
