guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
