Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
