That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Acid is not a monday night drug
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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