Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
