Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
