and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize