so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to rekindle our bromance
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
