im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
