I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
