I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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