I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
