Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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