There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize