I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize