Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
