Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
