Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize