Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
