So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
