Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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