Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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